Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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