Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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