Kiss
Puke
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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