He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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