Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
