My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
