did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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