you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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