I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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