I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
