Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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