He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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