he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
