I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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