Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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