there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
