What did we do last night that was yellow?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
