I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We need to rekindle our bromance
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
