I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
