woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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