why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He kissed a someone with a penis
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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