And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
