she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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