I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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