fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
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Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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