I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
