Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
