I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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