We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize