Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
