I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
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Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
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Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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