You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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