I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
