I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
