Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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