I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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