The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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