i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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