man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Randomize
