arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
