sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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