Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
