I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
