remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
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If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
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He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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