so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
