I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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