Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
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I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
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I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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