Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
