shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
