So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
