Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Pooping to opera.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
