he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize