and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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