i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
