Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
