your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
