dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
