Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
