I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
A bitchslap is in order.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
