I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
