I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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