You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
