just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm bleeding and have questions
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
