I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
