apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
