I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Did I show you my penis last night?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
