I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
