I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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