The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
