Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
