Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
