trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize