his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
