i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
