i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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