I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
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She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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